


From the Inside Out

by thunderlovesbird



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Scars, and raven is in an emotional place, jasper's awkward, references to trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 15:51:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6711418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderlovesbird/pseuds/thunderlovesbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could have happened between Raven and Jasper. Set between Nevermore and Demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If this gets positive feedback I might add a chapter. Does anyone even ship them?

The ride back to the caves was quiet. Raven tried to relax, to get some much needed rest, but couldn't. Beside her, Jasper twitched. She turned to look at him, mostly asleep, jumping himself awake every few minutes to stare wildly around the rover. He didn't say it out loud, but she knew he was checking for danger and doing a headcount. She wished he wouldn't. He hadn't slept more than an hour at a time since Pike had started rationing. He couldn't sleep without being drunk into oblivion, and she was fairly certain he hadn't even catnapped since he stole the rover and rescued her from Arkadia. He twitched again, but his bloodshot eyes didn't open this time.

Raven reached a hand out and gently placed it on his skinny arm. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed against her touch. His breathing evened after a few seconds of her tracing reassuring circles against his skin. The sleeve of his jacket was pushed up, and she stared at his forearm. He was too thin. He already had a long, narrow frame but he'd lost weight since Mount Weather. His arms and shoulders were all bone. His chest seemed ready to cave in on itself. His cheeks were hollow and sharp. When they reached the cave she'd bully him into eating something. She owed him that much.

It was hard to imagine this frail boy literally carrying her to safety, but he had. Without hesitation.

Raven sighed, the familiar pain in her hip and leg was joined by the throbbing in her cut wrists and neck and the ache of her recently relocated shoulder. She leaned, resting her head on Jasper's shoulder. She didn't think he'd mind, and despite him being bony and uncomfortable he was warm and safe. She needed warm and safe. So did he.

She must have dozed off, because suddenly the rover stilled and people were hopping out. Sinclair made eye contact with Raven, but she shook her head. Jasper was sleeping deeply for the first time in too long and she wasn't going to wake him up to go into the cave. Her own body hurt too much to bother moving. Sinclair nodded and gave a parting smile. The others had already exited, leaving Raven alone with her sleeping savior.

Yes, it had been a group effort to fry the chip. Yes, Clarke had removed the remains of the AI. Yes, they were all responsible for her mental freedom and she was grateful. Still, it wouldn't have been possible without Jasper. He'd sparked her realization of her memory loss. He'd stood by her, helped her, put himself in danger for her, even refused the City of Light because of how she felt about it. As a group they'd freed her from ALIE, but broken Jasper Jordan had led the charge. And somehow, being there for her had helped him almost as much. Since the day they'd broken into Pike's office he'd had a life in his eyes that hadn't been there in months.

She leaned her head against his shoulder again, and adjusted her position so her whole torso leaned against his. The night air wasn't too cold, but she kept shivering anyway. Her eyes started drifting closed when he moved. Not a twitch, but a slow, measured movement. He shifted in place, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. It was far more comfortable.

"Jasper?" Raven whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," She didn't elaborate. She'd never been good at thank you's or apologies, and she'd had to do both today.

He didn't respond, except to slip off his jacket and lay it over her. His eyes were sad, but an attempt at a smile played at the corners of his lips.

"Seriously," She leaned into him further, exhaustion nearly overtaking her, "I owe you."

"No you don't," He responded, sounding as tired as she felt, "If Clarke hadn't-"

"Clarke didn't carry me out of Arkadia," Raven cut in, "Hell, would any of them? Not saying they don't care, but Jasper, you could have run. You could have come back later with a plan and backup."

"I couldn't leave you," Jasper spoke like it was as obvious as sunrise. In his mind, leaving her behind had never been an option.

"I know," She smiled up at him, "That's why I'm thanking you. So just accept it, already."

"Fine," He chuckled, "You're welcome."

"Damn straight," She mumbled. She wanted to say something else, what exactly she didn't know, and no words came to mind to help her decide. Instead she lifted her head to get a better look at him. When had he become so important to her? Was it when he'd helped her collaborate against ALIE? When she'd found his goggles left abandoned at the dropship after the Mount Weather soldiers had captured the 48? When they'd worked together to build a minefield, or when he'd made her smile on the worst Unity Day she'd ever had?

She couldn't pinpoint when Jasper had become a necessity in her life, and she decided it didn't matter. She reached her good arm out and pulled him by the collar of his shirt until his face was inches from hers. His brown eyes went wide, but it was with surprise instead of panic. She closed the distance between them.

He tensed for a moment, but then reciprocated. All thoughts of sleep dissipated. They kissed like it was their last chance, like the world was about to end. She clung onto his shirt and he held her close. It was a little sloppy, her fingernails dug against him and his hands were clumsy on her back, teeth knocked and noses bumped, but it was perfect. She could feel his heart crashing behind his ribs, and when she pulled him with her as she laid back she hissed from the pain in her leg. It didn't slow either of them down. Raven was desperate to be close to the only steady constant in her screwed up life. The only person as damaged as herself. That terrible, burning need would scare her if she wasn't certain he felt the same.

His hands rested on her hips, fingertips hesitantly brushing under the hem of her shirt. It was such a shy, innocent gesture that only served to spur Raven onward. She yanked his shirt up, finally breaking the kiss so he could remove the offending garment. He gave her an almost apologetic look and took a deep breath before taking off his shirt. For a moment it confused her, then she saw.

A large, ugly scar took over a surprisingly large portion of his chest. She'd heard about him being speared. She hadn't heard about the other scars placed sporadically over his torso, not random battle injuries but intricate symbols that had been _carved_ into the flesh. He stared at her in silence, watching her take in the sight of his damaged body with a resigned look in his eyes. She returned the look with a smile and removed her own shirt. She grabbed his hand and placed it over the small of her back, where surgery scars still raised the skin, then she moved it to her hip where she'd been drilled for bone marrow. She didn't bother gesturing to her brace or bandaged wrists. A jaded smile slipped onto his face, and he didn't have to say the words for her to know.

_We're fucked up from the inside out._

And they were. She pulled him close again, and they kissed just as furiously as before. They weren't fixing each other. They weren't happily ever after. They were an understanding. Two people that each needed a constant in their lives, a north star to navigate by to save themselves from being lost. He needed her strength. She needed his heart. When they held each other tight enough, they could pretend they weren't falling apart.


	2. We'll Fix Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I was amazed at the feedback on this. As promised, here is part 2. This time from Jasper's POV.

Jasper woke up before sunrise to pins and needles in his arm. He opened his eyes and glanced at the woman curled against him. Raven Reyes, youngest zero G mechanic in 52 years. Raven Reyes, the demolitions expert of the delinquent army. Raven, the broken, stunning, tough genius that was currently cutting off circulation to his right hand as she slept.

He did his best not to move, despite the discomfort. He'd hate to wake her. She needed sleep after everything she'd been through. She was still a little pale from blood loss and the sheer trauma of it all, but he found he couldn't look away from her face. She was always beautiful, but in the pre-dawn light with the peace of sleep she looked amazing. He had a momentary impulse to kiss her forehead. Gently, just because he could. He decided against it. She was asleep, and even after what they'd done just a few hours prior he didn't feel he had the right to do anything without her express say-so. He wouldn't risk breaching her trust.

Particularly since a very loud voice in his mind was telling him she'd regret it all. She'd never look at him again. She'd be disgusted by the memory.

But the voice went quiet as Raven shifted in her sleep, her small hands pressing against his scarred chest. Right by his heart. The weight of her in his arms, the smell of her hair, the sight of her sleeping face was more real than any dark thought that tried to haunt him. Even if the voice was right, it couldn't take this moment from him. He'd treasure every second, because if he didn't he'd lose himself again. He didn't think he'd survive that. So instead he looked at her, lying there. The voice stayed quiet, arguing not with words but with an image. The last person who'd been in his arms.

His heart broke all over again. He saw it as bright and vivid and awful as the day it happened. He smelled the blood in the air. Heard Maya's pained gasping as she died. Felt the panic and disbelief just as hard as the first time. It was always the first time. How do you get past something that isn't over yet? How do you heal from a wound that's still being cut?

It'd been months, but he was still on his knees on level 5. He told himself it wasn't really happening, but it didn't help. He hated himself. Hated that he couldn't just leave the past behind like everyone else. He tried his hardest not to move, but his hands were shaking and his breathing hitched. Tears filled his eyes.

Raven stirred in his arms. She blinked heavily and looked up at him.

"It's okay," She whispered, voice still low and rough from sleep. She wrapped her arms around him and held him still as he fell to pieces. She didn't have to ask what was wrong, she already knew. She didn't look scared of his breakdown. There was no confusion, or pity, or disgust in her dark eyes. Only patience and understanding. Real understanding, and that more than anything pulled Jasper back to the present.

His breathing slowly returned to normal, though his eyes flickered wildly around the rover for a moment longer. Everything was okay, if only temporarily. Raven smiled at him, and he managed to return that with a relieved smile of his own. Neither spoke, not quite ready to wake up or go get the others. They were headed back to Arkadia just after sunrise and nothing was certain except that it would be a long, dangerous, painful stretch of time before they could just lay still in each other's arms again. Raven rested her head back against his still-numb arm, and Jasper relaxed against her. It was the first time he'd felt any sort of calm in awhile, and it was entirely because of her.

Maybe it was because she was in constant pain herself. Maybe it was because she knew what it was like to have your own body betray you on a daily basis. Maybe it was just that she was Raven Reyes and could do anything. It didn't matter how; she was always able to cut through the chaos of his brain like a life-line to reality.

It was why he'd been so desperate to help her. It hadn't been some selfless heroics. It had been desperate selfishness, because she was _real_ when everything else was fog and ash.

"Jasper?" She spoke his name softly, with a hesitation she seldom used.

This was it, he told himself. She'd only spent the night with him because she felt she owed him (she didn't) and now she was going to leave. He braced himself. They'd made no promises. He couldn't expect her to put up with him. Maybe they had needed each other last night, but for every moment where he was sure about how she felt, there was another moment of doubt. Even if she never spoke to him again, he'd be grateful for her. She proved to him that he could feel halfway-whole again. Almost okay. He owed her, so he turned a nervous smile in her direction and prepared for the worst.

"Yeah?"

"We don't know what we're gonna find in Arkadia today," She started slowly, not moving away from their embrace, "So just in case shit hits the fan-"

"It always does," He chuckled darkly. She shook her head and rolled her eyes, but a smirk had slipped onto her face.

"Well, _when_ it hits the fan I just... I want you to know I want this," She tightened her arms around him, "And not just as a one night thing, but if you don't that's okay... I only hope you don't regret it."

He wasn't prepared to hear that. It took him a long moment to comprehend what it meant before he replied.

"Raven, I could never regret you," He spoke with quiet force. He needed her to never doubt that again, was shocked she did in the first place, "And I'm in. Whatever you want, for however long you want. I'm in," He stared at her, tried to put it all into words but couldn't.

So when she leaned up and kissed him, he tried to put all that emotion into kissing her back. How thankful he was. How relieved and amazed that she hadn't walked away yet. If his senses could be trusted at all, she seemed to be doing the same. It was more tender than their first kiss, but no less desperate. When she pulled away, there was a mischievous glint in her eyes that made Jasper grin like an idiot.

"So..." She trailed, "The others will be waking up and coming out here soon."

"Yeah."

"Think we have time?" She arched an eyebrow suggestively.

"I think it's worth the risk," He laughed, and it sounded foreign in his own ears, but wonderful. She kissed him again, and within moments they were a tangle of limbs. It wasn't like the first time. It was gentler, less nails and teeth, but somehow even more wonderful. They still needed each other, but the world wasn't ending. They each had the assurance that it wasn't over, it wasn't one sided, and it wasn't because they were broken. It was because they _weren't_ broken when they were together, and that realization made both their hearts a little lighter. It made those stolen minutes sweeter.

By some sort of miracle they weren't interrupted, and afterward they sneaked a few kisses as they pulled their clothing back on. They looked at each other in amazement, each surprised that they could feel like teenagers again. Hiding away from their friends for an illicit liaison. Raven grinned and Jasper blushed. She laughed at him and he joined in. Nothing was magically healed, but somehow everything was okay.

She hadn't fixed him. Kissing the princess didn't transform him into a prince, or make him any less of a wreck. But at the same time, she'd helped in a way no one else could. She'd helped him start to fix himself, given him something solid and still to focus on in a world that wouldn't stop spinning. Maybe he'd done the same for her. Just maybe, they could help each other until neither of them needed fixing.


End file.
